Hey guys, I try to keep it real here and not fake how I feel so to be totally honest with you I haven’t been feeling too great recently. Why? I wish I knew…So this post isn’t going to be the most amazing piece of literature I have ever written but I do want to write down how I feel onto my own little space on the internet. Just on the off-chance that might help.
Where have I been?
Well on a recommendation from possibly the worlds rudest and meanest doctor at the mental health clinic, I have gone and got myself a job to make sure I leave the house and interact with people. Yay me! And actually it has been going really well.
However, my skin has been getting really bad again (I suffer with very bad eczema and acute dermatitis and psoriasis, because having just one clearly isn’t enough) which has made my self-confidence go down and also gives me some pain.
Another thing about me is I get overwhelmed very easily and feel like I can’t cope with everything at once. This is not helping me recently as since getting my job, I am finding it very difficult to work decent hours, spend time with family, spend time with my boyfriend,get enough sleep, take care of my skin, or do any sort of painting or writing… I especially feel guilty as I have people waiting on me to finish paintings for them and I don’t want to keep them waiting for so many more months.
So yeah, I have been trying to focus on happier things, I’m getting a new pet soon, have a relationship milestone, a holiday and a birthday to look forward to. But as soon as I stop, I just feel slightly empty. As though something is missing? So once again it ends up making me feel even worse about myself because I don’t want to come across as ungrateful or selfish. I have even tried looking into Buddhism..but still I feel as though there is this empty void that I don’t know how to fill.
Just to finish off I am feeling extremely self-conscious about my physical appearance recently. My weight is fluctuating, my fashion sense is now based around comfort, my heavy glam makeup is now minimal thanks to my skin, and my once long blonde hair is now very short and dark. I don’t know. I’m in so many different minds recently but just to prove a point that everyone had bad days/weeks/months, I’m putting this out here.
with love from Em-See,
feeling vulnerable and empty x